Monday, March 17, 2008
And so it goes... Que Sera Sera
He has cancer and I can't just ignore it anymore. I can't shrug it off and make it be a normal thing. I can't disillusion myself to the fact that it can't happen to me, to my family. Now it has. Now it is real. Now I hate it with even more fiery passion. Now I believe even less in God. If no amount of prayers helped me before, then why would they help me now? So what is it that I believe then? Is he doomed to die from this awful disease, because we all know I lack faith in modern medicine as well. He has had a good long life, but is it worth prolonging for just a little more time? I want him to be a great-grandfather. I want him to see my kids some day. I want him to be taken by a peaceful sleep of age, not a festering virus that will consume not only his body but all the resources our family can scrounge together. Does this mean I am so naive when I talk about not finding care for my own life in such a situation? How can I say those things, then react this way? All I can justify it with is that everyone else is more important than me. But is that in itself a facade too? This is stupid...
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1 comment:
it is hard to find out a loved one has cancer, believe me i know. you cant think of it the way you are, and dont think that prayer doesnt work. prayer is meant for the person praying. pray for yourself, for strength to get through it. things will be the way they are supposed to be, even if you dont think it. this type of thing brings a family together that may not have been as close as they should have been. he has had a great life, honor that, not his death.
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