Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
And I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
But guilt's a language you can understand
I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can
For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is
Pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
I must say, this another song that came up that explains a lot of my emotions right now.
The goal of anyone who calls me friend should be to know/figure out what my pride is, what my promise is, what my lies are, and what truths are so difficult that they get in the way. If you can name all of those correctly, then you can say you know me. I only know of one person who can do this. And the only reason they can, is... well that is my secret, and hers. The rest of you can keep plugging away at my walls, but for every inch you think you gain, I add ten, for every seemingly correct turn in the labyrinth, I reset the playing field. There are no advantages, there are no favorites, just those who know how to succeed. Getting jealous over the way I talk, the way I live, the way I am, isn't going to help. Contorting what I say to fit your personality, will only get you pushed away. Embracing who you are, will get you my love. Trying to become a better person through trial and error will get you my respect.
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4 comments:
It is not blunt or obvious when you don't say it to our faces.
I appreciated knowing nonetheless.
Those walls I guess can't be broken. Thinking I was special was wrong. I thought that you might try to push the walls away.
I was terribly terribly mistaken.
I'm sorry I can't be enough, but I have come to realize no single person can do all of that with you.
It really is sad.
Everything is going to hurt for a while. Don't be surprised if I stop talking about anything in my life with you for a while.
When you are so far away that I can't say it to your faces, then this is what I do.
Maybe I have confidence issues. Is there a problem with that. Maybe this is the only place I can say what little I do say about how I really feel. What's wrong with just accepting that and taking it and learning as much as you can, but no instead you want to feel special and singular and want it said right to your face. Way to be selfish. But I guess that's cool because I've always wanted to be selfish, but I just can't seem to get the knack of it.
It's not up to me to push the walls away. It's not up to me to become defenseless in a society where it is easy to get lost and hurt. No it is up to you to climb those walls. It is up to you to fight for every inch you want. By giving up it is your fault you aren't 'special.' You'd be special if you were one of the few who don't give up. That's all I am met with. People who don't want to step up to the plate. When the going gets tough everyone walks out on me. The fact that I keep pushing and pushing against you is a tribute to how well you are doing, not that I actually want to keep you out. And I believe there may be one or two who could be all that with me, but for the rest of you, that is why I have so many friends and so many people to talk to and challenge in various ways. I am like Peter Pan, everything is a game to me.
And yes everything is going to hurt for a while, it is called life. It is called its not my turn to drink from the chalice of happiness. I'm fine with that. What you see as me whining about my life, is really me just filling you in, oh hey isn't that what you wanted me to do anyway? And that stuff I do do to your face. So what's the problem? It's just too stupid isn't it? But when I try saying that something is bothering me, but it's stupid you won't hear it and poo poo it aside and get upset with me anyway. So really there is no pleasing you is that it? There is no pleasing anyone. So I will take the shit and blame for being a prick and an asshole and stupid and a whiny little bitch... cuz that is all I am good at being... full of blame and selfless...
I guess the pushing hurts.
I'll be blunt, this isn't the second time you've made me cry.
Walls are meant to be broken down together, and when you put more up I lose faith in myself.
I've lost faith in everything. That happened long before you came along. You are merely the person that made me put up more walls instead of trying to break them down.
I don't want things to be over, I just need to try my eyes and break down my walls that your actions made me put up... actions like not iming me how you feel at the very least. I do not appreciate the world knowing how you feel.
But I'll put it out there what I feel.
I think I am in love with you, and Derek can see this. There is more than just love with him, but it doesn't mean I can't love you that way.
Hope you are happy everyone knows what I feel.
So leave me alone for a while.
Even though it wasn't so long ago..
I guess I at the time was more in love with what you did for me, how you treated me.
I still love you though. And want to be friends. I just don't know how it's going to work now...
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