Brand New

What is new?

Well nothing. Home? Yeah. Vacation? Yeah.

So what. What is home if I can't enjoy it? What is life at 19 if I can't do at least part of the things I want to do? You know, like see Shannon. That would be nice. I can understand worry and all that jazz, but this completely unreasonable.

Here's the low down. I want to visit Shannon this weekend. Granted there are terms and conditions, but that is not a problem. I am a reasonable guy, I respect the wishes of parents, even my own. However, that is not the crux of the story. Here's the interesting part: My mom is dragging her feet. Want to know why? Well I'll list the lame excuses for you: the car can't handle an hour and a half drive, the car has no gas, I have no money, I have no job, the weather might be nasty, there will be traffic... the list goes on. I just want to scream. I want to yell BULL SHIT at the top of my lungs. I try to reason. I understand the no money and job part. I'm working on the job, I know I don't have a lot of money and that I need it for school next semester. But I need gas to get the job. So where is that money coming from. Oh yeah my savings account. It will take less than a tank of gas to see Shannon this weekend. Am I going to be out every day this weekend trying to find a job? NO! a) It's a holiday weekend b) I'm doing it tomorrow c) Why go out every day and waste gas and time? d) I will be able to hit all the places that could possibly hire me tomorrow. There aren't that many. And I am not willing to go too far from home because that starts eating up gas, and remember I need money for college. So what do I say? WTF!

The rest of those excuses are unfounded. How can anyone know what the car can take when I haven't been allowed to drive it more than 30 minutes from home? How can I know if it will handle possibly coming to college with me next semester so I can get a job if I don't use it now when I am closer to home? As for the weather, it's WINTER in NEW ENGLAND, of course the weather is going to be nasty. But just to humor her let's check the weather for the weekend. All I see is a 30% chance of RAIN on Sunday. Rain. No snow, no ice, no mix. It is supposed to be close to 50 degrees. Traffic, well there will always be traffic. And no it does not make the drive any less safe. There are idiots all over the road, I am just as likely to get screwed going down a back street (which by the way is what all the roads in my town are) as I am in traffic. What she doesn't think I can sit and deal with traffic? She doesn't think I can navigate through Providence?

While I'm here I'm gonna rant some more. You know what I am sick and fucking tired of? Being underestimated. I am underestimated by everyone. Now some of it is my own doing. Yeah I play up the weakling, but that is for when I do get into a fight it will be to my advantage. Plus they will never suspect my ruthless nature. But that is besides the point. My mom underestimates me. No this is not worry, which is totally allowed since she's my mom, this is unfounded aggravating bull. I don't mind her telling me to be careful whenever I leave the driveway. I'm glad she cares. But it gets aggravating when I can't go anywhere or do anything because she doesn't think I am capable. She won't let me do it because I've never been in that situation before. How the hell will I get the experience of being in that situation if I am not put into it, or allowed to be put into it. I can't keep going on like this. I am 19. Only I know how much of life I have missed out on because of my parents. No I am not talking about drugs and alcohol and sex. No I don't miss avoiding those in my mid-teen years. Never will I regret the day I finally finished my first bottle of alcohol, or the day I first experienced sex. Those where great moments. They were done in safe environments and with much knowledge thanks to my parents.

No I am talking about the 9 o'clock bed time my senior year of high school so that I couldn't do anything with friends. I'm talking about not being able to do ANYTHING on the internet or computer at home. I'm talking about having my first sleepover at age 18, and no it wasn't even my sleepover. And guess what I had to freaking bend my mom's arm to let me go. She wouldn't even let me drive there. Not that I was complaining because she finally allowed me to go to the darn thing in the first place. Guess what? I HAD FUN!

I feel like so much of my teen years have been devoid of fun and opportunities. How am I to make mistakes and choices under the safe confines of my parent's roof? I couldn't. I was so restricted I couldn't experience jack shit and I couldn't learn or make mistakes. Now don't think I still didn't find a way to cause hell. But still.

Where was I? Oh yeah. I just to see Shannon, my girlfriend. You know? My mom says we can wait until we go back, that we can wait 5 weeks. Well maybe in a marriage people can. But from what I know and have heard and seen most relationships (even marriages) get tense with that sort of thing. I know my mom had to endure it since my dad was in the Navy, but that doesn't mean I am the same way. That doesn't mean my relationships are the same. Maybe she shouldn't assume that her beliefs and experiences are my own. But I'm not gonna complain about that because she is my mom and she is allowed to assume things, even when she is wrong. But she is not longer allowed to shelter me. That right was passed up when she let me go to college, and believe me at that point it was just a 3 days shy of a year overdue. Thanks for reading. I enjoy comments, but reading is just enough.