Good Talks and No News

Ugggh. Finals. Stress. Sleepless nights. I guess staying up to all hours of the morning this past weekend wasn't such a good idea. Now I'm behind on sleep, sorta. Well all this adds up to one thing: me not being able to control my depression as I usually do. Everyone gets depressed in some manner during the winter, me included. I just don't show it. Well some of you know about it. But I refuse to talk about it. I refuse to talk about it because it is stupid and doesn't matter. I refuse to talk about it because there is only one person I want to talk about it with. And I talked with her. So it's all good.
No news for those others whom I neglected to talk to. Or shall I say that I did not want to talk to anyone. Seriously. Who knows me better than me? No one. Thank you. Who knows what I am going through? Me and one other person. Sorry amigos on campus, but I don't think that any words you could offer would help. Or you would tell me exactly what I already know, which wouldn't make me do anything any faster, or solve the problem. I know just talking may help, having someone to listen, but I don't want you to listen. I don't think that you would listen with both ears, just one. That hurts. But I'm a realist.
Even you, my best friend. I'm tired of bickering because you still like me and what I talk about hurts you. I know that since I came clean over break things are different for you, but I know you're fooling yourself a little bit here. What I say will still bother you because you have not experienced what you need to for it not to bother you.
Yes you still know me. Yes your "bud" is still here. He never left. But I went to college. You knew what would happen. You said it all freaking summer. I blossomed. Guess what was part of that blossoming. Realizing that some of my views on life and stuff in general were hypocritical at the least. That even though I helped you through this summer, parts of what I said I shouldn't have said because I had no idea. So here I am, actually with an idea now, with some knowledge, and you criticize me. Guess that's what I deserve. And you deserve to know that.
Now, finally: I am okay. Enjoy life.