So tonight I made out with a guy. First time. It was amazing. I don't want to hurt his feelings by not being physically aroused, but it's gonna be hard for me the first time. Being forced to suck a penis when you are in 3rd grade doesn't really leave you well off with other men. Since then I've clung to me mum and women like none other. That's why I can so easily be one of the girls.
Now I haven't sworn off the female race entirely. I'm bi. I treat people as people, not based on gender, race, or creed. Okay maybe a lil bit on the religion thing, but that's for another story. I can be romantically attached to men, I flirt with them. It hasn't produced results yet, and there is a major mental block. But I don't want that mental block to be there forever. I want to find the person for me, not the woman for me, not the man for me. The person. They can be male or female. You never know. It's just gonna take some time for me to move into the whole sexual aspect of a relationship with a man. I have faith that I can do it, but there will need to be time and patience involved.
Ahh... he is such a romantic. It's cute. I felt kinda bad that my heart wasn't racing as fast as his - believe me it felt good and I liked it - but again with the mental block. Stupid traumatic childhood experiences. Can't change them, they are in the past, but I will work on the future.
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