How I Be Feeling...

I be feeling... honestly I have no clue how I be feeling at this moment. I am watching some creepy ass movie that I walked into when it was about half way over. I don't want to go to my room, cuz then I'll fall asleep. I want to read, but I don't too.
So I am sitting here blogging. I really can't put my feelings into words here, mostly because I've told those who need to know. I've talked to you in person, which is better than finding out here. I guess I do have 'bouts where I only share my emotions in person. This is it. I just don't have a lot to talk about. There is no emotional upheavals to talk about. No one is depressed or in pain. This cloud of depression is finally lifting from the campus. At least from most people. Justin is happy. Brianna is ecstatic. Sarah is gleeful. Becca is hopeful. Dustin is equally content. Chris is just living. Shannon... well Shannon is still back and forth, but she is generally in good humor. Me, well I don't know what to feel. I'm happy for other people, but I do not feel much more than contentedness deep down. Well, sort of content. I don't know really, because one second I'm wicked horny and because of that want to go curl up and die of depression, the next second I am stressed out because of school/ work and because of that feel sick to my stomach, and the last second I want romance and because of that I start thinking - which causes my head to explode.
Exploding head syndrome, (EHS) as I have termed it, is this oft occurrence in the head of Emmet. It is where I think too much. I do it too much. I think and think and think and think and think and confuse the shit out of myself. And by confuse the shit out of myself, I mean I question a lot of things. Like what I am doing and what my place in the world is. And most especially what others think about me. Yeah, VDay hit hard this weekend. I didn't realize how utterly alone I was, and how I didn't want to be alone. I didn't realize how much effort I put into putting up a facade. I wonder how well it worked. I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed wearing the skirt and make-up, I love playing dress-up. However, I still put up a front to hide my own loneliness, so that others could be happy. And they were happy, I hope. I tried.
I don't know I still think too much. I think about her and her and her and her... all these hers. Too many to name, too confusing to elaborate. Oh well. All that matters is that it is sorta straight in my own head. Or that I try to straighten it out in my own head, and helping that process is talking to you peeps in person, or over the interwebs. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then either I haven't gotten around to it yet, or you haven't asked. And not being able to talk to me cuz of this or that, is not an excuse. There are more ways of communicating and learning and understanding things than just the phone. A voice only does so much, it is not required for anything.